Anyone who knows me know that I am passionate about children. Yes, I’m that auntie that hits up the dollar store to ensure that the kids have at least something to play with and or learn from whether it’s coloring books, chalk, water guns, or puzzles, I come bearing gifts! The auntie who is teaching the babies Veterans Day is more than a day out of school and Christmas isn’t about Santa but Saint Nicholas. Always pushing positive mental and emotional development. Which in my opinion should never stop regardless of the age of our children.
Whether you are a new parent or a parent to adult children, parenting is a lifelong responsibility! It is the most important job on the planet, thus it is continuous. Below are some tips I have put together regarding parenting from observations and experiences as both a child, an auntie, and a mother.
- Everything you do as a parent is being watched and it is participating in the shaping and molding of your child’s mind.
- Children feel our experiences via DNA & observation. Children come out with a natural affinity for their parents. Not only do they carry our characteristics but they watch our movements and mock us to the “t”. (No one can do a better impersonation of you than your children) Be mindful of what you do in front of, to, and for your child. They are born you but their experiences make them, them. Are you happy with the portrait you’re painting?
- How you are during pregnancy determines the characteristics/traits of your mini me. (Sort of like the old saying that your child will look like whoever it is that you are irritated the most with during your pregnancy.) If you are a happy preggo, your child will have high percentages of “happy” in their spirit. If you are studious your child will have higher intelligence. If you are sad or depressed, you are imprinting those emotional traits onto your child while they are being carried in your womb. So when pregnant there are more than just health reasons as to why you should…..DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY!
- You have no control over how the child views you and your actions, regardless of the reasoning behind it. For instance, a child whose parents never attend his basketball game doesn’t typically care if it is because the parent was at work. Telling a child the other parent made being around difficult does not lesson the responsibility in the child’s eyes, the only care that you absent. Likewise, adult children do not care who cheated or ruined the parent’s personal relationship, they only care how they were affected as a result of that circumstance. No matter how sound you think your reasoning may be, it is only what YOU think!
- You may birth your child but TMH owns the copyrights. You are just a vessel. Not placed here to control nor train but to raise your children! Raising them meaning to hold them up, support them, show them the way of righteousness>>>which should all be done while still allowing them to be themselves.
- No matter how good of a parent you think you are or were, children have their own perception of their parents based on their own life experiences. Remember to accept their views, feelings, and opinions of you without getting offensive, defensive, or offering excuses. Each person has the right to feel how they feel regardless of if we deem it to be acceptable or not.
- Parenting does not stop when the kids leave the home and it is about more than finances. It is about support (every type), love, and guidance regardless of personal feelings. Unconditional! This means that even if your child is doing something you don’t agree with, you may not support their choice, but you respect their right to make it. It means putting what you want for them on the back burner for what they want for themselves. As it pertains to financial support keep in mind the difference between helping and hindering.
As a parent to an adult child it is important (smart) to take note of the type of relationship you had with your children when they were young and what your relations are like in the present. Then determine what relationship you may want to have with them in the future. Just because they are your children, don’t forget y’all, too, have history!
As a Grandparent, remember that you are the grandparent and your word IS NOT the law of the land for the grand babies!
Adult children should keep in mind that our parent(s) are on their own journey too. Just as experiences have shaped us, they have also shaped our parents. Think of the era they grew up in and the history of said time. Disclaimer : I am not at all saying give them a pass. I’m simply saying some things are petty and other things require a higher maturity level than most of us have.
It’s important that adult children look beyond the mask of what we grew up thinking our parent(s) to be. Whether you had good or bad parents, remember before they were a parent they were a person. Sometimes it’s hurtful to find out who that person (your mother or father) truly is, but it is pivotal because that person (those traits) exists inside of you. Change is always easier when acceptance/recognition comes first.
Peace, Love, & Light
*Pictures of my Mini Me (LEGEND)