It is easy as an adult to see children and instantly turn into a nurturer. Its like something clicks inside and the protection and well being of the child is the only thing that is important. However in a society of self conscious and unbalanced individuals who believe others are coming in to take their place; people who are secretly still in love with or care about the ones they say they hate; and/or envious folks, often the opportunity for the child to be loved unconditionally by numerous people is tainted or forced to be held in secrecy.
I have been on both sides of this argument.
As a child I was scolded with hot water and treated not so kindly by “step” family members (which caused extreme trust issues might I add). So naturally when I had my son, the whole step thing was out of the question for me. I knew I had no control over who my son’s dad was with, however I would try my best to “protect” my son by monitoring the people that my son was around, including those around in the absence of me and in the presence of his father. Fortunately for me, after a long discussion, my son’s father understood why I felt the way that I did. During the course of that discussion I had to learn to be vulnerable, receptive, and to communicate like an adult. (I was already a parent, why was I just learning to be an adult?)
As time progressed I realized that I had not only let my past experiences dictate my present moments but I also had some underlying feelings for/towards my son’s father. Once I dealt with these emotions and put everything in its proper perspective I realized that I had been incredibly selfish. I had denied my son the opportunity to have Great Love from potentially Great People (yet as a parent I will always remain vigilant). The realization that I took away instead of adding to my son’s life was a hard pill to swallow, especially as I proclaimed the love I thought I had for him daily.
Parental break ups don’t break children as much as immature parents do.
Consequently, in the three years that my son has been on this plane I have undergone extensive physical, mental, and emotional changes. I grew into myself. And I no longer have to worry about my son having neither a stepmother nor a stepfather, because I know he will ALWAYS have his Mommy and Daddy! All it took was Dual (on both sides) soul searching; being honest with self, working on self, and communication…you know that ADULTING THING! That adulting thing took me from a baby mama to a mother. And an understanding that transformed my baby daddy into a father! Resulting in two whole parents for our son.
***As parents it is our job to set all of our needs, wants, and emotions to the side for the betterment of each and every child, especially our own. But in so many communities there are broken homes where the child is only broken because of the immaturity of one or both parents. I challenge each person reading this post who can relate in some way to ask themselves: Am I a mother/father who is about what they say they are about in regards to my children or am I a baby mama/daddy who places my emotions above my child? Do I constantly consider my children’s well being in the decisions that I make? ***
Peace, Love, and Light
“No one ever said you had to walk around angry about the cards you’ve been dealt, reshuffle and redeal!”